Selfishness---self-centeredness that, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book, page 62, Chapter 5, How it works.
Within the clutches of alcoholism, selfishness and self-centeredness assert themselves as the primary identifiers, concepts intertwined with the very essence of individualism and a mental focus. In the realm of recovery from addiction, particularly within the framework of programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, this passage holds immense significance. Let us unpack it.
For those battling addiction, the relentless pursuit of satisfying one's desires often comes at the expense of others. This self-absorption can manifest in various ways, from neglecting responsibilities to loved ones to engaging in harmful behaviors without regard for the consequences.
This passage highlights how selfishness is intertwined with fear, delusion, seeking only self-interest, and self-pity. These aspects further perpetuate the cycle of addiction. Fear drives individuals to seek solace in substances or behaviors that offer temporary relief. Delusion clouds their perception of reality, making it difficult to acknowledge the severity of their situation. Self-seeking leads to a constant quest for gratification, regardless of its impact on themselves or others. And self-pity traps individuals in a cycle of victimhood, hindering their ability to take responsibility for their actions and seek help.
Understanding and acknowledging these aspects of self-centeredness are crucial steps in the recovery journey. By recognizing the role these behaviors play in perpetuating addiction, individuals working in a recovery program can begin to cultivate an awareness, humility, and a willingness to change. This process often involves surrendering the illusion of control, seeking support from others, and embracing a life guided by principles such as honesty, accountability, and service to others—core tenets of many recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. Through this transformative journey, individuals can break free from the grip of addiction and embark on a path toward healing, wholeness, and a renewed sense of purpose.
Here is an explanation of each term:
Selfishness refers to the quality or characteristic of being primarily concerned with one’s interests, benefits, or well-being without much consideration for others. It involves putting personal needs and desires ahead of the needs of others, often at the expense of the welfare of others.
Self-centeredness is similar to selfishness but strongly emphasizes being ‘excessively’ focused on self. It describes an attitude or behavior where an individual believes that their thoughts, feelings, and needs are of greater importance or priority than others.
Self-reliance is not just about independence and self-sufficiency; it is about the empowerment that comes from relying on one’s resources, capabilities, and judgment to meet one’s needs or solve problems. It is about valuing personal autonomy and not relying heavily on others for support or assistance.
Self-identification refers to the psychological process by which individuals develop a sense of identity and distinguish themselves as separate entities from others. It involves recognizing and defining oneself in terms of personal attributes, characteristics, beliefs, and experiences that contribute to a unique sense of self. Self-identification is a fundamental aspect of human cognition and self-awareness.
Selfishness, self-centeredness, self-reliance, identification with the self, or whatever you want to call it—the natural relief that becomes readily available is seeing the self as something foreign to us. That is how it worked in my own experience. I was handcuffed by this act of being identified as self. I thought I was listening to myself, but that was false. This body I called myself was infected with an evil and corroding thread running through the fabric of its mind, affected by alcoholism.
The day I began to see myself as separate from my problems, the possibility of freedom emerged. If I viewed life solely through my alcoholic perspective, my desire was only to be free as self. Each time I drank or used drugs, I was driven by a subconscious hope to escape from myself. This has proven to be impossible. I hope that alcoholics will recognize these manifestations of self in their own lives and be persuaded of their impact.
This resistance can be overcome, allowing us to navigate life more freely and adapt to situations instead of forcing events to conform to our outdated perceptions. It's crucial to recognize that these old beliefs, especially the profound misbelief that our ideals are always right, are not truly ours. The first step must be definitive: there are no exceptions or hidden clauses that suggest we could manage better on our own. I hope that all these misguided impulses are eventually extinguished.
We are driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. I do not know how we can miss that. Self-precedes three out of four of the effects. Fear is the instrument, but mental anxiety strums the instrument. It mimics fear, but it is mental anxiety. Usually, there is no apparent threat; it is imagined, remembered, or foreseen, but it is not occurring right now, which is amazing. We are affected more by what is not happening than what is happening.
When we are being driven, we are not the driver. Now, we have a recovery conundrum about the situation. How can we be the driver if all these things drive us? If fear drives us in that sense, we are more the car than the driver. We are the vehicle that fear uses to express itself. What an incredible realization! Finally, I began to see this through recovery. So many things I was wrong about have been corrected by the recovery effect.
Wilson continues; “So, our troubles we think, are basically of our own making.”
We can now disagree with that. The identification as self is the making of the problems. It is as if we are a factory that can produce effects. However, the results that are created are not based on the factory. They are based on what runs the factory. So, misery- we do not make our misery. Yes, misery arises out of us, which I agree with. Misery rises out of self, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually does not think so.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness; good luck with that. When the self tries to get rid of selfishness, that’s selfishness, and we are bound to it. Wanting to get out of the problem as the problem is a significant aspect of the problem.
Consider what Wilson wrote: “First of all, we had to quit playing God.” Why did Wilson write that? The following principle is the Third Step, which most people would say is a primary principle.
So, before taking the Third Step effectively, “First of all, we had to quit playing God.” Now, can that who plays God stop playing God? No. Self cannot get out of self. We must see it and its truth within Steps Four through Nine. The alcoholic addict will discover this illness is not them, and now there can be a loss of interest in that which is playing God, and at that moment, the self cannot play God because the self is using our power to play God.
We are the ones who bring the light. Self is the one who narrates, but we are the light for the show. We lose interest in self as we devise our solution on a spiritual and altruistic plan. Our attention will produce another stage, drawing us to another event. We will see things in a different light, and the emphasis will change.
🌿✧ ˖⁺ ☁⋆ ୭ 🕯🕊.⋆。༶❀ ⋆.⋆。𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊⁺. ࿐༺☾🌿✧ ˖⁺ ☁⋆ ୭ 🕯🕊.⋆。༶❀ ༘ ع˖⁺ 🍃☁⋆
Keep the Faith