Welcome to "Fellowship of the Spirit," where we embark on a journey of profound understanding and liberating truths. As we gather in the spirit of solidarity and support, let us explore the intricate web of addiction—not merely as a physical dependency but as a pervasive enslavement of the mind.
The concept of an allergy to alcohol is analogous to common allergies to pollen or certain foods, which cause adverse reactions in many individuals. It's reasonable, then, to recognize that some, including myself, are similarly allergic to alcohol. This idea is elaborated upon in the chapter titled "The Doctor's Opinion." There, Dr. Silkworth describes alcoholism as an illness with two dimensions: an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. This diagnosis clarified many confusing ideas for me.
The allergic reaction is beyond my control; my body has reached a point where it can no longer tolerate alcohol. The reason for this is less important than the fact that a single drink triggers a craving for more, embodying the saying, one drink is too much, and a hundred are not enough.
The obsession of the mind, however, is more complex. Alcoholics experience this to an intense degree. Over time, the alcoholic may develop self-pity and resentment towards anyone or anything that impedes their drinking. Dishonest thinking, prejudice, and antagonism toward others, along with vanity and a judgmental attitude, gradually infiltrate and become part of the afflicted individual’s life. Living with constant anxiety and tension leads to a desperate need for release, a role temporarily filled by alcohol and drugs. It took time for me to recognize that the comprehensive approach of the Twelve Steps was designed to address these character flaws and thus alleviate many of the obsessions. The Twelve Steps prescribe a spiritual way of life, advocating for honesty, open-mindedness, willingness to change, and faith in a Higher Power. They introduce virtues such as patience, tolerance, and compassion, as well as the practice of humility, all underpinned by the belief in a Power greater than oneself.
Let's explore the concept of mental obsession before addressing the allergy. As diagnosed, the primary issue originates in the mind; subsequently, the allergy manifests in the body. For instance, if you were allergic to peanuts, you would likely avoid eating them. However, though we might describe our condition as an allergy to alcohol, we continue to drink it. Therefore, it's not the allergy itself that poses the main problem; rather, it's the obsession of the mind that compels us to drink. I would put the obsession of the mind as primary before the allergy.
Many of us began our journeys already predisposed to an obsession with ourselves, to such an extent that, even before we ever took our first drink, we were unable to empathize with others. I used to believe that I had no impact on anyone else, feeling that I was worthless. This mindset was firmly in place before I started drinking and before other issues arose.
This disease, the disease of all diseases, is fundamentally an obsession with self. I was consumed by this self-obsession, which in turn led me to fixate on the temporary relief substances provided. There was little room for me to focus on anything else.
For recovery, getting to the root cause of things is essential. The root of the problem is this obsession with self. We can't move from here because if we don't see its effects, we will be looking from them unbeknownst to us. It hides in plain sight because we are entranced with the act of being identified as it.
We begin to accept its conditions and proclamations as our own. When the self declares hatred for someone, we believe we hate that person. However, there exists a gap, a pause, between us and that with which we identify. This gap has closed, with our identities merging into this self-obsession and ideation, but the pause remains. Therefore, we need something to intervene between us and it, which is where the program of recovery comes into play.
Managing our lives by self-will often ends up being managed by others, so we experience some relief from this bondage of self when we are incarcerated or in rehab, where things are somewhat slowed down. But that was only a conditional pause, a temporary freedom that could change at any moment—and it often does. When many of us leave that institutional setting, we become targets to be overtaken once again, and indeed, we are. Thus, most of us learn the hard way.
The precise nature of the wrong I perceive in terms of recovery is presented in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book on page 64, which states, "Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, is what has defeated us. We considered its common manifestations.”
And then, the following paragraph reads: Resentment is the “number one” offender. Yet, when most of us read this, it's suggested that we look at our resentments. Consequently, this misunderstanding of the exact nature of the wrong continues to be propagated in recovery rooms.
Most of us here possess a certain level of English comprehension. When Bill Wilson wrote these instructions for the inventory, he phrased it as though the self is something distinct from us. And it is the self that has defeated us, not us ourselves. I can't view it any other way.
Some people interpret ‘self’ and ‘us’ as being synonymous. I disagree. That’s not the English I was taught. ‘Us’ suggests a collective, whereas ‘self’ implies a singularity.
Now, how could a singularity defeat the collective? That’s the intriguing question. The problem resides in the mind. Let’s refer to it as the self-centered system. When burdened with this very jealous system, it allows no room for other possibilities but insists on dictating how we perceive life. Any life governed by this self-centered system or driven by self-will is unlikely to be successful.
That is a description of something that took us over and is directing our life and where we reap the rewards and the punishments from that direction.
How can that direction stay in power when it’s not a clear, orderly direction. It brings a lot of terrible things to the table because this parasite has an incredible strategy. It convinces the host that it’s the host. So we’re thinking we’re listening to us, but we’re listening to self, the bondage of self.
This is my humble offering. It works for me; it has worked for me ever since I saw self as something foreign. And I don’t even like the word self because it gives it too much credit. I think it’s the mental act of selfing. With the head and its reliance on memories and the interpretation of perceptions, it is in the act of being identified as a self. It’s called selfing. And if you’re listening to that radio station, you’re probably dressing like it tells you should dress and buying the products it tells you should buy.
I’ve been open to other possibilities. I just haven’t heard one. So here we are, sharing something that I think is profoundly important in recovery: to get the exact nature of the wrong. To bring an understanding about a lot of that confuses you. Where Blue will appear to be blue, and red will be red. Some clarity can become the governing principle in your life now instead of the insane advertising that seems to be a norm.
As we draw this discussion to a close, remember that recovery is not just a path walked alone—it is a journey we traverse together. "Fellowship of the Spirit" is more than a collection of words; it is a beacon of hope, a testament to the power of community and the indomitable spirit of those who seek freedom.
Let us step forward with courage, knowing that each day holds the promise of a new beginning. Let this fellowship be your anchor and your guide, as you find the strength to reclaim your life and the serenity to cherish each moment. Together, in spirit and in truth, we rise above the shadows of our past and stride toward a brighter, sober future.
Thank you for sharing this space of reflection and for committing to a journey not just of recovery, but of profound transformation. May your path be filled with light and your spirit with enduring peace. ༺☾ ༶˖⁺⋆ ☮︎ .⋆༶ 🪷 ع˖⁺.☮︎ ⋆˙⊹ ࿐
Keep the Faith